


…but in the end, my heart will remember you!

by MellQueenOfHell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brain tumor, F/M, Hospital, Love Story, M/M, godfather/goddaughter relationship, im really sorry, sad fic, true story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:56:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellQueenOfHell/pseuds/MellQueenOfHell
Summary: « This is a story they could make movies about, except they would change the ending. This is sad, I didn’t even start it yet and my eyes are already wet. Today, I felt like telling you the story of this one amazing person I once had in my life. »I was searching for a good way to describe the balance between the sad and the beautiful of this story and I think I finally find it, remember the movie The Notebook, how fucking sad it is but so, so, soooo beautiful. That's the case here. It is sad, I'm not gonna lie to you guys, but it's about love, true love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank you for choosing to read this despite the sad warning, I do hope you'll enjoy it a little bit even though it is a little painful.

__

Today, as I am sitting on the floor watching my son play I felt like telling you a story! This isn’t a funny story, nor a happy one. This is a story they could make movies about, except they would change the ending. This is sad, I didn’t even start it yet and my eyes are already wet. Today, I felt like telling you the story of this one amazing person I once had in my life.

 

My name is Maya Campbell, and my mother was Gwen Campbell cousin of Mary, once Campbell, now Winchester. But that, that doesn’t really matter because the story isn’t really about me. It all started with my mom, unfortunately unable to use her legs, and the doctors telling her that she would probably never have children, and her favorite cousin of all time; Dean Winchester. Me being here, crying over my computer writing this story, all started when my mom made a promise to her favorite cousin. When Dean « came out » to the family not everyone was comprehensive. I’ll let you guess, knowing that in 2017 it is still hard for homosexuals to be accepted, in the 80’s it was even harder, nearly impossible to be accepted in society. Everyone started having kids, except for my mom, and everyone in the family started being named godmother and godfather, well everyone except for Dean. So my mom made him a promise,

-If I ever have a kid, I promise you you’ll be its godfather! she said.

 

But this, this isn’t really how I wanted to start this story. Let’s put it on fast-forward a little bit. I remember very clearly the first day I heard about homosexuality. I was ten years old, and we had talked about it at school, I don’t remember why but the teacher was talking about it. At some point, she said that almost everyone was having one homosexual in their family. Now that I think about this, she was being a little condescending, but anyway, she got me thinking. I didn’t have any homosexual in my family. Or so I thought. I came home that night with a mission, I needed to ask my mom about that. I sat in front of her and with my way-too-serious-face-for-an-ten-years-old-little-girl I asked her. I was certain she would tell me that we didn’t, or just mentioned someone, I sure as hell never thought she would laugh that hard. You know the « laughing my ass off » expression, well that was it. She couldn’t stop laughing, her eyes all wet from it and I was sitting there totally in the dark.

-All this time you thought that Castiel and Dean were what, friends? she finally asked.

 

Well yes! This was exactly what I thought, Dean was my godfather, and he was amazing and he always came with his best friend Castiel, who was a little weird sometimes but so amazing too, I just really loved them both.

-Yes! I answered here almost in shock.

-Well, no. Dean and Castiel are a couple, like me and Daddy, except they’re two men.

 

And suddenly, everything started to make sense. I wasn’t stupid, just young, but still I had wondered why there was only one bedroom in their house. So they were together.

-But they never kiss, I asked my mom.

-Certain people don’t like when two men kiss in front of them, my mom explained to me.

-Why? If they love each other it doesn’t matter.

-I’m sure they’ll be happy to know that you think that.

 

The next day, my mission wasn’t over. I was ten, so every thing related to love was a matter of fairy tale. I needed to know everything. You see, I was pretty mature for my young age, and love was the most important thing I was able to think about. So the next day I woke up early and called them. I asked my godfather to come and pick me up, so we could spend they day together, me, him and Castiel.

 

At first, they brought me to the shopping center, it was our tradition. Every time I would spend the day with them, Dean would get me a new pair of shoes, ~~I was~~ what do I say I am pretty obsessed with shoes, and Castiel would buy me a new book. It was our thing. I remember that day, I realised how close they always stand, how long they would stare at each other’s eyes. They were so in love, I felt a little stupid for not noticing before, but I consoled myself with the fact that I was only ten years old. After the shopping centre, we went back to their house, and that was the time I stroke. I sat with them at the dinner table, then locked my hazel eyes with Dean’s green ones,

-So, you two are in love? I said.

-Yeah, answered Dean very carefully.

-Tell me everything, I said.

-What?

-I want to know how you met each other, how long you’ve been in love. Everything, I said.

-Ok, said my godfather looking at his boyfriend with a fond smile on his lips.

 

 

They met when Dean was eighteen and Castiel was twenty-two, they clicked almost instantly and became friends in a day. They both knew there was something more, friends weren’t supposed to stand so close to each other, nor were they supposed to stare into each other eyes like that.

-He was the most handsome man I have ever seen, said Castiel.

 

Time passed, and they only grew closer, but they were afraid. In the early 90’s, being gay meant being persecuted and laughed at and despite the fact that they both had came out to their family, actually acting on it was different. But despite all that, life showed them that it was ok. They both found jobs in the same town, and being roommates seemed like the most obvious solution. A year after they met, they finally acted on their attraction.

-He kissed me, said Castiel. It was the most magical kiss I have ever received.

-Yeah, except you are still a frog, said Dean making me laugh.

 

Don’t forget here that even if I was pretty mature, I was still ten.

 

After that, they gradually told people and they were lucky enough to have very accepting people around them. It wasn’t long after that that my mom got pregnant. Dean was the first person she told. Even then, eleven years later they were still madly in love with each other. I remember seeing them, with my new knowledge and seeing every little gesture. They weren’t fan of PDA, but when we would go to restaurant I would notice them holding hand under the table. Sometime, when we were in a party they would both dance with a cousin, but very near the other. I remember all the staring, and all the time they would simply smile at each other. Sometime, if I was lucky enough I would see them kiss, but that was rare. It was in more intimate moment like when I would spend the night and come in the kitchen a little earlier than usual. I didn’t mind though; in fact, I was in love with their story.

 

As the year passed, I grew closer to my godfather, and consequently to Castiel. I grew up between mine and their house. They were my refuge. Dean was the only person that truly knew me, I told him everything. My fears, my dreams, everything. He was the one that encouraged me to write, and I think that maybe this is why I decided to write their story.

 

I was fourteen when Castiel called me, in tears. Well, he didn’t call me, he called my mother but I was the one to pick up so I knew something was wrong. At first, my mom didn’t want to tell me, and today I don’t blame her. I don’t think I’d be able to say that to my son either. My godfather was in the hospital, and he wouldn’t get out. It was day three.

 

On day one, he was just finishing the dishes after a good meal with Cas when he looked at him saying that he was hungry, wondering when they would eat dinner. At first Cas laughed, because Dean had always had a strong appetite, but then Dean started complaining about headache and he really wanted to eat. Castiel didn’t really think much about it, he made him a sandwich and they went to bed.

 

On day two, the headaches were still there except ten times stronger. Never a fan of hospital, Dean didn’t want to go but Castiel convinced him. They waited for hours, then waited a little more for the result. And what a result it was: brain tumor, Oligodendroglioma precisely. It’s a kind of tumor that grew silently for years without anyone noticing before it’s too late…But I’m not that good with information like this so I’m just gonna put some wiki facts here:

« Because of their generally slow growth, oligodendrogliomas are often present for years before they are diagnosed. The most common symptoms are seizures, headaches, and personality changes. Other symptoms vary by location and size of the tumor.

 

Tumors of the frontal lobe may cause weakness on one side of the body, personality or behavior changes, and difficulty with short-term memory. Temporal lobe tumors are usually “silent,” causing few symptoms other than perhaps seizures or language problems. »

 

If detected in time and accessible, this could be treated like any other tumor, but unfortunately it wasn’t Dean’s case. They put him in a room, making his « stay » as comfortable as possible. When I came to see him on day five, I remember that he was wearing a red plaid flannel pajama, because surely he was too proud to wear the ugly hospital clothes. He was so pale; it was hard to be there. I hugged him very tightly and he hugged back,

-I’m sorry, he said to me.

 

Because that was how incredible Dean was, he was dying but he was sorry because he knew how much it would affect me, and I just loved him a little more for that.

 

On day eleven, I brought him a piece of pie, his favorite. He thanked me, with a tired look and didn’t look at me much longer. He ate his pie with an absent look, and finally he looked at me with curiosity in his eyes,

-This was a wonderful pie, but who are you?

 

Ever thought that words could destroy? These four word ended me. He didn’t remember me, the tumor had started his decent and he had forgotten me. I tried to be strong before, acting natural around him but at this moment, I just couldn’t. I started crying in silence, just allowing the tears on my cheeks and he took me in his now tiny arms.

-It’s ok girl, he said to me. I don’t know why you are crying, but it’s gonna be ok.

 

That night, I promised myself I wouldn’t go back. I just couldn’t. It was too hard, and surely he wouldn’t mind, he didn’t remember me. I didn’t keep my promise though, because I loved him too much.

 

On day fifteen, I wasn’t there my mom told me, he was all excited because he was sure one of the nurse was harboring a crush on him. He asked his brother to bring him a nice shirt so he would be able to dress nicely. She was, as he had put it; one hot piece of woman. Castiel took it hard, but he didn’t say anything. What could he possibly say anyway, the love of his life was dying so if being excited about a nurse was in his agenda, he would let it happen.

 

On day seventeen, we were watching die hard in his room, and Castiel was gently caressing his right legs when he just pushed his hand away,

-Look dude, I don’t know what kind of relation we are suppose to be having here, but you are making me uncomfortable. I’m not a fucking fag.

 

Now that I am older, I think I can say for sure that this was the day Castiel started dying from the inside. Seeing Dean flirting with the nurses was something, but this… This was too much for him. I remember sitting beside him and taking his hand, trying my best to tell him that this was ok, that he would survive this. But I wasn’t really convincing, I didn’t even believe myself.

 

We all knew this day would come, one by one Dean forgot us, but still Castiel was the only one we hoped he wouldn’t forget. It was hard after day seventeen, things got worst.

 

On day eighteen, he started having trouble to speak. It was like his mouth didn’t want to cooperate. He seemed sad too, like he was finally realising what was happening. Cleary he didn’t remember anyone, not his brother, not his mom. Still, there was always someone with him. We didn’t want him to go alone.

 

I spent day nineteen with him, we listened some music and I talked to him,

-I know you don’t remember me, and it’s ok. I just want you to know how much I love you and how important you are to me. I promise you that I will always be myself, no matter what. And also, I’m proud of you Dean.

 

I looked at him, hoping to see some light, some understanding of any sort but all I saw was confusion. Of course he was confused, I was a perfect stranger to him, telling him things like that. When I came home that night couldn’t stop crying.

 

On day twenty, on night twenty I should say, it was Castiel turns. Dean didn’t really respond anymore, more often than not he would just stare, waiting. And so, Castiel talked to him. He knew he didn’t have much time left, and even if he knew he would probably scared Dean, he needed to say those things,

-I’ve always thought we would grow old together, always thought we would hold hands till the very end. But life, he said holding back his tears. Life is a bitch; I don’t know how I am gonna live without you baby. I’m not sure I can, not… not sure I want to. How am I supposed to keep going when the love of my life is ripped away from me? I wish you can still answer me Dean, he said now crying. I wish you would just squeezed my hand and tell me I’m a dork. I wish it was me laying there because you are so much stronger than me. I love you so much Dean, I have loved you since the first moment I lay my eyes on you. I don’t… I don’t know how to explain this, but… but I know for sure that we were soul mates, once in a lifetime kind of love.

 

Dean was listening, or he seemed to be, looking Castiel right in the eyes.

-I wish I could kiss you goodbye my love, he said almost pleading with his eyes.

 

He knew better though, he wouldn’t risk Dean having a panic attack because some random guy would try and kiss him. Totally drained, he made his bed, a wonderful cot that the nurses had allowed us to bring in the room, and layed on his back.

 

It was in the middle of the night when he heard some noise. Immediately he opened his eyes and saw Dean struggling with all the wires,

-What the fuck, he said with an almost too normal voice.

 

Castiel didn’t move, he didn’t know why but he didn’t move. Finally, Dean got out of bed and walk directly towards Cas’ little cot. He sat on the edge first and finally made his way, putting his head his boyfriend’s shoulder. Castiel didn’t say anything, this was surreal, he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming. Dean finally lifted himself on his elbow and with his free hand cupped Cas’s face. He looked him right in the eyes and smiled fondly, like he used to whenever they would look at each other. He put his head back on Cas’s shoulder and laced their fingers together. About two minutes later Cas felt all his weight being release. And he knew. The love of his life was gone, but in the end, in one last tiny moment of lucidity, he remembered. Cas held him, crying like he had never cried before, and like he would cry for so many nights to come.

 

Twenty-one days, it took twenty-one days. We weren’t prepared for that, I wasn’t. There is a hole in my heart and no matter how much love I feel from people around me, I will never be ok again.

 

And Castiel, even though his body is still very much alive I think he died that day too. It was ten years ago, and I’ve never seen him smile since. Well, he smiles, just not this full gummy beautiful smile that was only for Dean. He’s not ok, but he keeps going. Like every one of us.

 

I don’t know if I believe in heaven, but I like to imagine Dean sitting in a heaven’s version of Baby, listening to some good old classic rock, waiting for his angel to come home.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry! Now that I’ve stopped crying, I’m gonna explain myself a little bit. This is all true, well except it wasn’t Dean and Castiel. My godfather’s name was Pierre, and the love of his life was Claude. For the rest, it’s exactly how it happened. From day one to day twenty-one. It happened ten years ago, and I’m still not ok about that. The hole in my heart is still very much there and I don’t think It will ever be full again. Since I’ve started reading, and writing Destiel stories, I’ve been thinking about them. It’s a beautiful story. Even though it’s sad and heartbreaking. We always tell ourselves that shit like that only happen in movies or books, well I had the chance to see one of the greatest love story, and I though I owed him this little one. I don’t know what I believe in, but if there is a heaven somewhere, I’m sure he’d be proud of this story. So that’s it, but don’t worry this is the only sad story I will ever write ;)


End file.
